sweetdevil | 19th ♫ | for I must die for what I've done

[It's been a month or so (Earth and Eos calendar, not Auldrant's) since the girl arrived, just before the death of the sun and the long night. Asch remembers her - it's hard not to, of course, because the number of people who had stuck around the camp on Monsun is so few, and of them -

Xion and Muffet both came for visits, but Yuuri, strangely fearless Yuuri with no fighting skill at all who nonetheless remained instead of going for the shelter of the temple with the other noncombatants, was there for the whole time, maintaining the fire and the water supply and the soup and the care of Ignis (the parts that weren't awkward to ask a young woman to do, anyway, which Asch handled). Gently rebuffing Prompto, looking sometimes at Soma and, constantly, at Ardyn with a strange look on her face, when she thought no one would notice.

Best parts of Asch that the desert brought out: He noticed.

Other best parts of Asch that the desert brought out: a willingness to leave it be.

But now the desert is gone, and the aftermath, well...

Here's Asch, with his red hair tied back in a loose braid and a couple of the feathers from the Jormun's celebration hanging at his temples again. He's spent most of the day setting the tent back up, but now he's finally reached the limit of physical exhaustion.

Only physical, because his mind keeps moving, and that's how he ends up at Yuuri's doorstep.]

Can I ask you something?

[ Yuuri might not be very good at acting but she's always been startlingly good at going along with the flow. She isn't happy to be here by any stretch of the word, not when she should be home and safe with her family. But there's no use in wasting energy in being bitter about something she can't change when there's productive ways of making herself more comfortable.

And there's certainly no use being eaten up inside over the presence of a few dopplegangers. Nothing she can do about that. And it'd be ridiculous for Yuuri to be bothered by it. Absolutely ridiculous.

But she's good at putting on smiles when she doesn't feel like smiling which is how she's able to greet Asch so brightly when she opens the door. ]

That depends what it is, I suppose! But I won't know until you go ahead and ask.

[She is probably used to the fact that Asch doesn't really do smiling outside the desert. Which makes the expression on his face, which isn't quite a smile, just something tired and satisfied, all the stranger.]

You know, not everyone here came straight from the worlds they were born in. You remember Xion? She was at another place like this before coming here.

[It's not quite the detailed analysis he unloaded on Ardyn, when he pinned the man down on exactly what the miasmic thing inside him was. But there's something of the same tone, the same certainty.

Not that Yuuri would know.]

That's also true of you, isn't it? You came from somewhere else where there were people from multiple worlds.

[ The moment of hesitation -- just a split second, really -- before Yuuri responds is probably her undoing. Because it's not enough for her to come up with a plausible response but similarly it's just too long for her answer to come out sounding like anything else but a lie or a misdirect. Which is handy, really, because it's both. ]

I've heard people talking about it, but it's not exactly something I have a lot of experience with.

[ And though she feels bad for holding her secrets so close to her chest again, she's sure as hell not going to just spill everything to some boy too smart for his own good. ]

Why do you ask, anyway?

Because I noticed that since the day you arrived here, you've been comfortable sleeping around Ardyn.

[That might not sound strange, if you didn't know what Ardyn was. But Asch does. And he knows that even on Monsun, most people weren't comfortable sleeping around him. New arrivals aren't known for being comfortable in any measure, and those who had been here for any length of time...

Well, they tend to catch on that there's something off about him rather quickly. Or Ardyn, in his self-flagellating, tells them exactly how uncomfortable they should be around him.]

In fact, I'd go so far as to say you sleep better if you know he's there. And I of all people know that isn't normal.

[After all, Yuuri isn't the only one who feels more secure in those circumstances.]

You knew another version of him, didn't you? In whatever place you were before. You got comfortable with some other Ardyn, and now even though you know better, you can't turn that instinctive level of trust off completely, the same way Xion can't turn it off in regards to me.

[ Yuuri just gives him a look. It's a perfect blend of confusion, skepticism and irritation and in fact, it's so perfect that it almost looks a bit overdone. ]

What are you talking about?

[ Her voice is a little stiff, none of that friendly warmth from before. Now she just sounds annoyed and even a little cornered. The way she has her hand on the door, like she's considering shutting it in his face, doesn't help the image either. ]

Why would I have any reason not to sleep in the camp I was using as shelter? I honestly don't understand the point you're trying to make.

[Push, push, push - the person he is outside of Monsun doesn't know how to do anything else, really.]

Why would you choose to stay in the camp when, by your own account, you have no combat skills to speak of? Everyone else who couldn't fight to protect themselves at least a little left for the temple.

[Well, okay, except for Ignis who really shouldn't have been out fighting, but he's still a former fighter and also, have you tried telling Ignis to leave his friends, like, ever? Not going to happen.]

And then there's the way you look at him, like you're surprised when he talks to you like a stranger. You do it to Soma once in a while, too, but you do it to Ardyn constantly.

[ Not for the first time, Yuuri wishes that someone, anyone else from home was here with her. No, she wishes she was home with them so she didn't have to face all these probing questions.

She stares at him for a long while, her expression hard to read and her lips tightly pursed. Then she huffs and takes a step back from the door. ]

... you might as well come in. I don't want you stood there on my doorstep, making accusations where everyone can hear you.

[He does incline his head slightly as he comes in. If she wasn't so stubborn about it, he wouldn't have to present so much evidence.

(And that's how he thinks of it - presenting evidence, not making accusations - because all of it leads towards the same conclusion. That Yuuri knows Ardyn, in an immediate and intimate way.)

(A way that Asch would envy, if he allowed himself to move past the mental block between the way he acts and actually acknowledging that Ardyn is the closest thing he has to family. Because it's clear, even to the neglected Asch who isn't technically an orphan but may as well be, that that's what they are.)]

Are you going to make me say more?

That depends.

[ Her voice is tight and irritable again, but she seems a little defeated. Getting in past the door seems to have been the hardest part and now there's less chance of being overheard, she's less inclined to put up as much of a fight.

She shuts the door behind him and gestures for him to take a seat, around the little fire pit. There's some flames licking away at the firewood in there, just enough to give some cozy warmth to the inside of the hut. ]

What else were you planning to say?

[He settles into a seat with... perhaps more grace than he usually puts into such things.]

You knew - as far as I can tell, without being told - to not bother including him in your meal prep. You kept making faces at me wearing his coat as though I'd somehow moved in on your territory. You never commented on his lack of sleep. You also didn't comment on his... face.

[You know what face he means. A pause.]

And you got extremely distressed by the idea of him leaving that island, at least as distressed as Ardyn himself. You knew what that meant, and you didn't want it to happen.

[Does he need to go on? Probably not.]

One or two of those things could be explained as you having heard since you arrived here, but not all of them. He's not that forthcoming about anything except the lack of sleep or eating. So the only logical conclusion is that you already knew, which is only explicable if you knew him before arriving here.

There's other people you could have found out from in some other place - some other version of Noctis or one of his friends - but if that was how you knew, then you wouldn't be comfortable around him. Just the opposite - you'd be more nervous, like Prompto, because there's no one from Eos who would have good things to say about Ardyn.

[ She's got her back turned to him, because she doesn't want Asch to be able to read her face as easily as he's read everything else. She's deeply unsettled and she doesn't want him to see it. So, making a point of picking through her firewood as they talk it is. ]

...if Junpei was here, you two would be such a dangerous combination...

[ That's more to herself than anything for Asch's benefit. She can't help but wonder what it would've been like to have someone this observant and frighteningly analytical on the Fantasy Sweet with them. ]

Whatever you're thinking... it definitely isn't as simple as you're making it out to be. But either way, what does it matter to you?

[To be fair, it isn't something he pulls off frequently. Taking time to actually consider things is a skill he's still developing, and something he wouldn't have had anywhere else. Somewhere like the Fantasy Sweet, his recklessness would have come through first, always charging, always trying to move forward.

This? This was just something he thought, and then realized that more and more pointed in that direction. A biased analysis perhaps, but one that was right on the money -

And don't think that he hasn't locked away that name, 'Junpei,' for later.]

I never said it was simple. I know that it probably isn't. But it matters because that means that somewhere out in the universe, there was an Ardyn who let people get close to him and care about him. It matters because I want to know what that Ardyn means for this one.

[For the scourge-fueled flame that still won't let anyone get near, who still refuses to see that there are those who find that warmth comforting instead of burning.]

[ Yuuri laughs. She doesn't mean to, but it just sort of... comes out. Still with her back to Asch, she shakes her head, hardly able to believe what she's hearing. She can't blame him for having a little bit of hope but... god, where does she even start? ]

I can't tell you it means anything, I'm afraid.

[ And it really does sound like she means it this time around. For all the deflecting she's been doing, that at least has sounded sincere. ]

The place I came from and the Ardyn I knew... you can't really make that clean of a comparison. They're not interchangeable. So I don't know how useful anything I could tell you might be.

Maybe it won't end up being useful at all. I don't know.

[That laugh... he's unhappy with it, but it didn't sound mocking. More incredulous. Better that than the alternative, but he's not the happiest with it, either.]

But even if it's hopeless, I have to try. He deserves better than an endless age of unhappiness, waiting for death. Deserves to know that someone will stand by his side, even after everything he's done.

[Come hell or high water or mountains crumbling into the sea and so on.]

[ It sounds so strange to hear this coming from a boy she's never met. Stranger still that the circumstances are so familiar. They're lucky, really, that the network had been so merciful when it came to their handling of the Starscourge because it makes Yuuri feel sickly and nervous to think that the real thing is here now.

She takes in a long, slow breath and finally stands up then turns to face him. ]

That's what I'm worried about. Now the island's gone... he's back to how he was before, isn't he?

[ Not back to normal because she can't bring herself to call Ardyn in that state 'normal'. ]

I don't want anyone else getting hurt by him.

Back to the usual, yeah.

[There's just a thoughtful determination in his expression. Unlike Yuuri, he doesn't have any hangups about referring to that as well... baseline, for Ardyn. Really, it's the only Ardyn he's ever known.

~~Someone tell Tenmyouji Ardyn to get over here and Be The Better One.~~]

I...

[And here he has to stop for a moment. He doesn't know her, not really, this is the first time they've talked about anything more serious, and they're not really talking about themselves, yet, at this point. They're talking about Ardyn.

But Asch knows that the reasons he cares about Ardyn are all just in a tangled mess with his own issues, so he can't leave that entirely aside.]

I don't think I know what it's like not being hurt. Not in this kind of situation.

19th ♫ | for I must die for what I've done— a twist of fate, a desert sun

i believe in my heart i believe in my soul

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